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What do you think is a reasonable age gap when dating somebody?


G-Panther

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Hello, I am currently talking to somebody that I might possibly date, but they are younger than me. They seem to be pretty mature for their age, and I'm a very active individual. I'm always outdoors doing something, 

and active with several hobbies. There isn't much of a difference with our energy levels, and we do have several things in common. So, what do you think is an acceptable age difference, and why?

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  • 1 month later...

I firmly believe there is no such thing as "reasonable" when you fall in love. I suppose you are both grown-ups so what can possibly stop you? If you worry about other people's opinion you should think twice. The ones who are willing to judge will find a reason to do so. If the two of you are happy and get along well you should just go with the flow. No one can predict how things will work out for you, or anyone else for that matter. 

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I don't think there is an easy, objective answer to this question beyond the obligatory "not below 18" remarks. Age gaps matter more for people earlier in life than later. At age 40, dating someone who is 35 is no big deal at all. At age 18, dating someone who is 13 is aberrant. You can see a difference of a mere five years is weighed according to age-specific standards. Reasonability, then, works on a sliding scale as you get older and becomes more permissive with time.

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In my opinion, age are just numbers. There is no problem if your going on a date with someone not on your age group. I firmly believe that what matters is the maturity of the mind. The willingness to commit oneself into a relationship would really count the most because a person can be at their 40's but their mindset is still in their teens, i can see some problems to that. Others might be 18 but can make firm decisions as an adult. 

I guess the best thing is not look at them by age, dig deeper by knowing how they think would be much better.

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Whether you have 10 years in between or just 3, for me, that doesn't really weigh in the relationship unless your prospective partner or you think it does. The numbers don't really count if you sweep it aside and just focus on the relationship. However, if it is you or your prospective partner who thinks that the age gap matters, then that's the catch. Maybe you need to have a long talk about it to reach a common conclusion or maybe it won't work. 

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Personally I think it depends on the people, but I also think that the older the two of you are as a couple then the less significant any age gap becomes. For example an 18 year old dating a 28 year old is a relationship I don't think would have much of a chance, but if the couple have ages of 28 and 38 and the two people are both seasoned adults then it really doesn't matter. But it depends on your circumstances really to be honest. If you feel that things are going well for the two of you then carry on as you are and enjoy your relationship.

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  • 4 weeks later...

There are many factors to take into consideration when you evaluate situations like this. Someone that has just hit 18 has very different goals in life than someone who is 5, 10 or 20 years ahead. Unless you are looking for just a hook up, and if you must have a specific number, I would say (in general, as of course there will be exceptions where you can clearly see this person is mature and clearly serious about your relationship) don't date anyone under the age of 25 if you are 10 years older than this person, especially if you are a girl (whose clock starts ticking sooner than guys, sadly).

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For me personally, a good age differece should be in the range of 1 to 4 years, if it's like this you guys are still practically in the same generation, there will be much more in common that you guys have than the couples outside of this range, I'm not saying that they won't be happy, it's just that there definitely will be a generation gap between both parties, their way of thinking and their goals in life are usually vastly different. But I won't force this idea on you, since it's your life, your decision to make, no one can or should influence you to follow their way.

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I have seen quite a few friends with significant age gaps do amazing but I feel it had to do with the timing in their life. They had all had previous relationships and had accomplished certain things in life that had matured them enough to not be seen as 'young' anymore. That is the biggest factor I would consider is what the age gap means in terms of what they still want or need to accomplish. If you no longer want kids becasue you are past that age and they aren't.... If you are career focused because you have already worked your way up the ladder and they are still in university or wanting to 'explore their options'.... All of that leads to very different lives. I also think that values, family dynamics, life goals would make a huge factor age difference or not and someone younger might not know all their answers to those questions yet.... 

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