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Do you let people help you?


annika3in1
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I had surgery last week and my recovery has been very interesting. I've learned a lot about myself.  I don't take resting well very easily.  I came home Thursday and have worked every day since (albeit just for a bit).  I've managed to stay away from my reading (very hard) but have watched a lot of movies (which I think makes my eyes hurt just as much). 

What I've noticed though, is that I don't let people help me very much. I've had offers asking what I need, etc.  But I'm not very good at naming my needs and then letting people actually fill them.  Also, I felt guilty that I didn't want my parents (who were stressing me out) at my surgery! 

Does anyone else have this problem?  I'd like to get a little bit better at letting people help me. 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm a very independent and stubborn woman, and my whole family and circle of friends can tell you so! I rarely ask for help unless I am truly in dire need - I had surgery as well back in January and had a very hard time asking for things. I didn't get a lot of visitors while on bed rest because I didn't say I wanted any. Looking back, I realize that people can get just as much pleasure out of helping or being there for me as I get out of helping and being there for them, so now I try to think of it that way and do my friends and family a favor by letting them feel helpful and useful in my life.

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I am glad that I'm not the only one with this problem.  Someone can offer to help me and the word 'No' comes out of my mouth while my brain is thinking "How am I going to accomplish this on my own?".  It probably has something to do with all the past disasters that have occurred everytime I let someone help.

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I've learned about myself that by not letting people help me, I'm keeping up my wall; my wall to not letting others be too close.  This is not always a conscious reaction but when I think back to needing help or to offers of help, I seem to measure the need by how emotionally safe I feel.

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Well, at least I know I am not alone  :)

I always feel bad to let others take trouble for me. If I can do it myself, why must I ask for help?  I know in certain situations, asking for help is considered a favor as it gives so much pleasure for the helper. I am just not used to it  :(

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I'm usually one of the first people to help others out when they need it.  I don't tend to ask for help very often.

To be honest, the way I see it, people should just do it if they want to help you.  I've been told many times that my friends didn't need help when they did.  I would just go and clean the kitchen, or make dinner for the family.  Most of my friends are the same way.  They ask what I need, I say nothing.  They always bring meals, or come and just help.  I don't turn that kind of help down.

I wish you a very speedy recovery!  :)

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Unfortunately the older I've become the more I realize that I'm not a young man anymore and I have to accept help even though I don't want to.  I wonder if this was one of the life lessons everyone needs to learn eventually before we leave this world.  If so, I'm getting a lot of my lessons done in a hurry! :D

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I try to remember to let people help me but sometimes I forget.  Right now I have an irritated nerve that runs along the big toe on my left foot and it makes walking very painful.  My wife is constantly reminding me to sit down and to let her and the kids help.  But I stubbornly cling to my independence even if it means I'm in pain.  Silly me.  :D

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