Favoritism in the Family

[wishawish0803]

It could be detrimental or beneficial to children, both to the favorite and unfavorite or should I say least favored child, when parents play favorites… Favoritism among children is a topic seldom discussed for it is difficult for most parents to even acknowledge that there is favoritism within the family. But this topic caught my interest not just because I have experienced one (I wont say im a favorite or not a favorite) but because I am a parent of 2 and I wanted to love and care for them equally. That when they grow up and able to make sound decisions, i will listen to them both, without reservations, so i will make them feel important, both of them...

So yes ive been reading books and articles about favoritism… Been reading testimonies of both favored and least favored. And I agree to all ive read… The attitudes differ and I can say the effects of favoritism are real… As children, we have the choice whether to take positive or negative effects. It all depends on how we deal with favoritism.

Chances are if there is a favorite child in the family, there is also an unfavorite child in the family. Being an unfavorite child in the family sometimes have damaging effects such as low self-esteem and feeling powerless. However, there are a myriad of benefits for being an unfavorite child in the family such as being a survivor who is undaunted by negative events in one's life, becoming a highly individualized, self-actualized person who is unconcerned with the so-called disapproval of others, and ultimately learning that you are the navigator of your own life and you must be willing to man/woman up to your own responsibilities as no one is going rescue you or do it for you!

For the least favored or unfavorite, cheer up! Many unfavorite children learn to become independent of other people's opinions early in life. They further learn that seeking the approval of others can be quite pointless. They know that the approval of others can be quite capricious depending upon the circumstances involved. They realize that people often like you if you go along with their program and can avidly dislike you if you choose to be your unique self.

Some unfavorite children develop meaningful relationships with other related and non-related adult figures who give them hope, support, and encouragement. They learn the lesson of the approval of others can be quite meaningless. They also learn that depending upon their own counsel is the most important thing in the world.

Unfavorite children learn to take responsibility for their lives. Since no one is in their corner so to speak. So the lesson that they learn from this is to become self-reliant and to fully own their lives. They also become extremely cognizant of the fact that no one is the owner of their lives except for them. They know how detrimental it was to have their parents own their lives so to speak. They know that when a person gives power away to another person, they are not content people. In essence, their happiness is solely dependent upon the whims and desires of the more powerful person. If the powerful person is not happy, that means the less powerful person is not happy and vice versa. Many unfavorite children are strong proponents of taking individual responsibility for one's life and thoroughly owning it!

Many unfavorite children are survivors. They are usually quite undaunted when a negative situation arises. From their childhoods, they realize that there are going to be situations could be described as less than positive; however, one must learn to face and arise above such situations. They further portend that they will never be defeated by any negative situation. They know what they have experienced as children have more than adequately prepared them to face and overcome any negative situation that presents itself.

Many unfavorite children develop empathy and sensitivity for others because of their particular status within the family constellation. They see other people in dire situations and can sympathize with their situation. They really know the meaning that one does not know another person's actual situation until he/she walks a mile in another person's shoes.

Unfavorite children learn how to make do in a less than positive situation. They often have develop the resourcefulness and stamina to view a negative situation as not the end all but a way to a more positive one. They are also creative, often knowing how to make lemonade out of lemons. They have learned not to crumble in the face of criticism as they have experience such from their families. They maintain that if they are critiqued, so what.

Unfavorite children also learn to stand up for themselves and be their own cheer squad as no one else defended them. They realize that in order to get noticed, one cannot stand meekly in a corner. One must realize that in order to be noticed, be respected, and to success in this society, one must positively advertise oneself. Conversely, they are highly assertive when they feel that others are either disrespecting or taking advantage of them. In essence, these unfavorite children are totally fearless when it comes to defending themselves.

[TheSelf322]

Wow, that was a large wall of text.

Anyways, I have a lot of siblings so I think I'm certified enough to give a statement about favoritism.

Whether you like it or not, parents have or will show signs of favoritism among siblings. You can't avoid it, it's bound to happen especially in a large family. Favoritism also doesn't last forever. A parent is just a human and the feelings, ideologies, and beliefs of a human change over time.

As long as it doesn't affect the non-favored siblings in a negative way, favoritism is fine. At least for my family, anyways.

[marinabalkandzhieva]

Being a single child I had never experienced such a thing. Not until I got married and I moved with my husband's parents for a while. The things I have sawn during this time left me speechless and afraid to have a second child. I am now afraid that I will act the same way.

The favorite child in this family is the first-born son. And that's not my husband. It is their personal business who they will love the most, but they started acting this way even in front of me. A time came when I knew everything about my brother-in-law's childhood, even when his mother was pregnant with him. I knew his birth weight, his length. I knew how many times he ate a day, how he started talking, everything all the way to his prom! And I don't know anything at all about my husband. Anything.

My mother-in-law is talking in a way like he's never been born. And she talks to me. I don't really care how high is my brother-in-law. What I care is my husband, my child, etc. I've tried like a billion times to interrupt her and ask her a question about my husband, but she pretends not to hear me.

Things evaporated in a very strange way. The old ones started making points about my husband leaving the door open. And when my brother-in-law leaves it, it's like never happened, or "oh, wait for mommy, I'll close it dear one". And he's 30!

I hate this attitude and I am really afraid I will act like this one day. I hope I'll be different, but who knows...