The Pain of Being a Failure

[GTanaka]

Failure.

From birth, it's treated as a terrible, taboo thing. Something to be kept at arms length. No one wants to be labeled as one, and nobody wants to associate themselves with one. Everyone's failed once, and everyone's experienced that awful sinking feeling in the pit of their stomach.

But... what if we turned that around? Instead of avoiding it like a plague, why don't we treat it as motivation? As fuel for the fire we each hold? Accept that you'll fail once in a while, and try again. Accept that you need to learn in order to grow.

[eddyeti]

I think that the truly great personalities of this world are not those who do not fail; they are those who are not afraid to stand back up when they fall down.

I think that in order to feel real, deep happiness and satisfaction, you need to fail and learn from those failures.

The lows of life make the highs all the sweeter.

[jenlv2ski]

We have all felt the fear of failure. Personally, I can vividly remember the fear of failing on a math test and then having to share that failure with my parents as I shamefully showed them my grade. The feeling was awful! As I moved through life I became afraid at failing at much bigger things like marriage and parenting.   

I also found that my fear of failure was holding me back from trying new things.  It was my own personal sabotage. I came to realize that failing actually made me more resilient. It was part of what made me grow and make me more confident. Although I can't deny that I still feel that same nagging feeling each time I am faced with a challenge, I have worked hard at overcoming it.

[Raja33]

Failure in respect of what?
Because we didn't achieve the objectives we set before? If in the process of pursuing an objective we have learnt something, that already means 'not failing'.  Failure is a concept created by our inner self-destroying self to keep ourselves away from trying something new. Because we are afraid to 'fail', we just stay in our safety zone and do not take the risk. In some way, failure is part of our lazy side: it is easier to stay away from peril and keep things in the way they already are. In my experience, I 'failed' many times and I'm still so happy to have 'failed'!  I learnt so much through my own mistakes and I wouldn't be able to grow without them.  

[ElenaB]

Too often, I allowed the fear of failure to paralyze me.  As I have matured, I see that failure is a part of life. My first encounter with failure happened when I was 16 years old. I failed my driver’s test. I wanted to give up, but my Mom did not allow it. She still encourages me to practice and try again. Perhaps, failure could be thought of as a way of practicing until you get it right.

[daveyk]

As soon as I read this topic I felt motivated to reply to it. If anyone is depressed by failure, I think it would help to remember that there is probably no-one in history that has not failed in some capacity. It also depends on how high you set your goals. Maybe it is useful to reach your required achievements in smaller steps.

One example from the past that comes to mind is Vincent van Gogh. He is a very good example of someone that considered himself to be a failure all his life, but subsequently became one of the most remembered artists of all time.

Can anyone think of other good examples?

[cherrybunny]

Oh my. It's nice to see that a lot of us are like-minded here. If I could throw another quote into the mix: The real victory is seeing failure as a lesson. It is when you allow it to help you and not consume you. 

A lot of my friends and family are obsessed with perfection. It gets tough sometimes, since their standards inevitably get passed on to me. But I try to introduce them to these ideas little by little. It's intensely draining, though. I wish I could channel the wisdom of every poster in this thread and make them realize and understand what they've been missing for so long.