Dealing with a Breakup

[cherrybunny]

Many people cite the Five Stages of Grief as a sort of guide to "knowing where you are" in terms of getting over someone. The problem is, I seem to be cycling through all stages at once, but I mostly alternate between anger and depression. I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean, but I guess it's safe to infer that I'm far from getting over my ex. We haven't really been together for long, but we've known each other for more than eight years, and we've been good friends for around five of those years. Familiarity seems to be a big factor that makes it hard for me to get over our relationship. To make things worse, he got over me pretty quickly.

I really don't know what to do at this point. He was my first boyfriend, so this is all very new to me. I've tried plunging into a new hobby and surrounding myself with different people, but nothing seems to do it for me. Is there something I still need to do? The anger and sadness is getting terribly out of hand-- to the point where it's already affecting my performance at work.

I just want to be okay. I would appreciate any form advice or wisdom.

[Jason76]

I'd say the quickest way is to get a new relationship.  If it's a good one, you should easily forget the old one.  I mean, I had at least, one bad life experience, but I quickly got over it as I got absorbed in church life.

[manvij]

I takes time to heal the wounds caused by a relationship gone wrong. Keep yourself busy and don't allow your mind to drift back to the old days of the relationship. It may seem easier said than done, but once you get over it, you will realize that you only needed more time to forget. 

[EchoUnderfoot]

I've had several nasty break-ups over the course of my dating career. Each time, what has gotten me through the break-up was taking time for myself and remembering that I am enough. Break-ups are really hard, especially when you get dumped for something outside of your control. I've been tempted to change who I am or to hide parts of myself because a partner broke up with me over that aspect of myself. But no person is worth radically changing your personhood for. 

Take time to breathe and remember that even though this break-up sucks now, you are still a valuable person and someone who deserves love. It may not feel like that right now, but you have to be giving yourself positive self-talk. 

I hope you heal quickly and that you find someone who is perfect for you and loves you unconditionally.