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If I were you....


NClaus

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If someone ask you for advice, it's not uncommon to start replying with, "If I were you,...." While nothing's wrong with it, I kinda think it is a bit misleading. Everyone has a unique situation with unique circumstances. So in this case, I think "If I were you...." will not do to solve his/her problem. What do you think?

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I don't think there is anything wrong with starting out with "If I were you" however, I try not to give advice too much because if anything goes wrong I don't want to be blamed. It is too hard to put yourself in the other person's shoes and see things from their perspective.

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Whenever someone asks for my opinion on what they should do, I try and lay out a couple different options and then explain why I personally would choose a particular road.  I think the explanation is very important as well as offering up the various options.

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I'm guilty of using the term and I know it probably comes across wrong to certain people. I honestly don't mean anything by it but it does sound a little rude in the wrong situation. I think giving your honest opinion to someone is important though.

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  • 6 months later...

There is nothing wrong with this phrase as you are just stating your own opinion. I think it is better to add the phrase "if I were you..." when giving advice because you are not telling the person what he or she should do. You are just giving that person an option what he or she could do with your advice.

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I generally use the phrase "if it were me..." instead. As the original poster pointed out, we *aren't* them, so to use the phrase "if I were you" really makes the whole thing moot; whereas using "if it were me" makes it clear that one is stating one's own preferential plan of attack.

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I usually just start with... "That is a tough question because I am not you. However, if I were in your situation then....".  I try to back up any advice with sound reasons as well as possible consequences. Each person does have a unique set of circumstances and understanding and I want to know they full understand why I have said what I did and what could happen if they take my advice.

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That little saying: "If I were you,..." to me, implies that I'm asking them to put themselves in my shoes. Looking at a situation from someone else's vantage point, sometimes gives the other person a different way of looking at the situation. And maybe that different way of looking at it is what they need to  to solve whatever issue they're having.

After all, it wasn't getting solved buy looking at it from their vantage point, that's why they asked you in the first place.  :)

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I tend to agree that starting with "If I were you ..." isn't a good starter. I mean, I'm guilty of it myself. But what seems to work for me now is, I don't give advice. Instead, I share my experience and I make sure I say it's my experience. Not hers. Each one of us is created differently. Then I start coaching my friend by asking her questions. That way she does the thinking for herself, rather than get an over-the-counter opinion of what she's supposed to do.

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I guess I never thought of it that way. I can see what you're saying. However, I think it's hard to come up with any other way to begin that type of conversation. I mean, I guess you could start with something like, "Well, you could try this," or "Have you approached it this way...?"

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